Two weeks ago I was asked to be a fill in for a Spirited Women’s team in Gizzy. The impulsive, physically fearless part of me said - hell yes! I love the unknown, I love adventure and I really, really love getting out amongst it and doing something that scares me a little. The vulnerable, “crap will my bits survive” part of me said … maybe not. Am I fit enough, will my bits survive, will I be brave enough to tell a team I don’t know, “hey can we slow down a little, my bits are not coping”?
This was a team I did not know… one of the members I had met before and she was lovely, the other two I met the day before the race. After a little face book stalking I was officially packing myself. They all looked upper fit and loved mountain biking. Now don’t get me wrong my fitness is ok…. but I had not done any real training for a 6 hour event. Maybe three rides in the last year not on a spin bike… does that count?? My mountain biking experience is pretty good…. from before kids…. a decade ago. I was scared! Would my body survive, would my bits survive, would I keep up?
Prolapse is a rollercoaster journey and one where you have to embrace vulnerability. I have done my rehab and feel really good in my body and pretty confident with what my body can do but the thought of entering an adventure race with an unknown team and prolapse had me feeling seriously vulnerable. Not the funnest feeling to be honest!
I had two choices. Embrace the vulnerability, be brave - not only to trust my body and the work I have put into it but also to trust that I would speak up if it’s all too much, and give the event a go. Or say no and stay home.
I am so so freaken grateful I went with the first choice! This weekend was MASSIVE for me. It is amazing how something like prolapse can smash your confidence to smithereens. This weekend I proved to myself (again - I am a slow learner and need reminding) that nothing is off the table. The only limit I have is myself. I can decide what is right for my body. I can decide if the rehab effort is worth the freedom. I can decide if I want to take that calculated risk. In the end it is 100% up to me what my body should and shouldn’t do.
Prolapse is a bitch. The advice you get when you have prolapse can be just as bad - ranging from nope don’t do anything, to sure you are fine to do whatever you like…… either answer can be so harmful!
Find your support team that understand what you want your life to look like, feel like and are willing to help you get there. Be willing to embrace the vulnerability and put the work in to get back to doing what you love with your bits in tack.
Yep prolapse is a bitch, but so am I, a stubborn bitch and I am willing to put whatever work in it takes to feel that finish line feeling again. There is nothing like it.
Lou x.
Ps. The team was awesome - three of the loveliest ladies I have met!